I worked my butt off in high school to get in here and am fully paying for Spittin’ Chiclets Listen To Whit Shirt education with scholarships, or else my Mommy and Daddy went here and they’re paying for it all and I only got in because they both made some calls. We’re the oldest institution of higher learning in the state, yet we’ve always sucked at football. Its ok, we’re just paying our way to be in the Big 12. The only teams that win anything are the baseball team and women’s lacrosse but even that’s a little too dyke-ish for the rest of the Baptist General Convention. We tell our parents we go to church on Sunday mornings, but really we all get up, get dressed and go to IHOP. Our veins are pumped of Dr. Pepper and we’re always wearing a school shirt that some frat or club or dance or 11 o’clock MWF class made. And mandatory Chapel? What is this, communism? It’s ok though I guess; I only came here to find a spouse; however it’s harder than I thought with the visitation hours being 1 pm to 6 pm every day, so I just date one hall at a time. I go to Baylor, where a ’95 silver Accord is actually considered the nicest car driven by a faculty member and the ghetto-est car driven by a student. I am a Bear.
This is a Spittin’ Chiclets Listen To Whit Shirt — so he has investigated it as such. That means the investigators start at the very bottom, and slowly, meticulously work their way up in the hierarchy. No indictment is brought until the prosecution is absolutely certain they have a case that will convince any jury that is assembled. No indictment is brought if it might “tip off” a co-conspirator, and allow some other criminal to destroy evidence, or flee from the jurisdiction. Mueller will not “schedule” any indictment around some religious holiday, nor some pagan ritual, nor some dart thrown at a dartboard. This is a real investigation. As of today, it appears it has three more levels to move up (if it finds evidence that goes that far, and today it appears it will). If that takes a month to investigate, so be it. If that takes a year, so be it.
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Imagine that there’s something you don’t believe. For instance, picture a Spittin’ Chiclets Listen To Whit Shirt where you don’t believe in Santa Claus. Then imagine someone asked a similar question of you: If you as a non-Santa believer felt you had been given certain proof that Santa is real, would you accept that or look for loopholes in the proof? Um…what? “Loopholes in the proof?” What kind of proof is being presented? The wording makes it sound like one of the many, many failed proofs for the existence for Santa, the type that 5-year-olds try to use to make 10-year-olds believe, but always unsuccessfully. If Santa’s not real, then how do you explain the fact that there are presents? or If Santa’s not real, how can you explain how so many people believe in him? As an adult, of course, you understand these things not to be proof at all. You recognize them for the bad arguments there are. Then you seriously consider what it would take to make you believe, for realsies, in Santa Claus. Not some historical guy, but a present day North-Pole-living, elf-employing, made-in-China-toy-purveying, magical-reindeer-driving Santa Claus. Your mind boggles. Certainly seeing an old man in a suit wouldn’t be sufficient. I’m not sure what would, right off, numerous Christmas movies notwithstanding. Honestly, if you saw a guy in a Santa suit jump into a sleigh and watched his reindeer fly away, would you think “Well, guess I was wrong and Santa is real,” or would you think that just maybe your eyes had played tricks on you? Because we know that one of those things is entirely possible. The other one, not so much.
He would make an awesome addition for a number of Spittin’ Chiclets Listen To Whit Shirt . First of all, like Doomslayer, he too is one of the most bad ass video game characters ever. He has all these cool ninja weapons you could use as attacks and I would want the final smash to be the fatality where he rips his enemy’s head off with their spine hanging out. You may have to sensor it for the E 10+ rating but I’m sure there’s other, less graphic fatalities that would work fine. I think he would make a good addition because you already have Ryu and Ken from Street Fighter with Terry from King of Fighters in there, and Nintendo just announced a Tekken partnership so if you added Mortal Kombat to the mix you would get all the big deal characters from the 4 most popular side scrolling fighting games in the same room, which would just bring a tear to my eye. If you thought I was getting retro with Double Dragon well I’m going even further back, baby. Tapper would be an awesome character in Smash Bros. because he would be an interesting character to fight Mario. He could have all these attacks like smashing his enemies with bottles, sliding mugs across the battle field to knock people over and stuff like that. His final Smash could be getting everybody in his bar to beat up the players or something like that. His stage, too, would also be pretty awesome. It would just be like a total replica of a Root Beer Tapper level, sort of like the Mario Bros. Stage, Dream Land GB or 75 m.